Where Has His Goodness Gone?

There are times in life when we think we are doing the right thing, saying the right thing, reacting the right way but the circumstance does not reflect those attributes. It seems as if there was no budge in the sphere of influence and it leaves you feeling helpless.

It was the first Friday back in the hospital, two days after the awful day. Thankfully I was able to have my own room as I was a more ‘able-bodied’ patient plus I had my mum around for care. I don't even know how to describe the pain I was in, but from throwing up so much on the Wednesday I believe DOMs set in on Friday. Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, for me it felt severe. You could see my neck muscles sticking out like sharp shards of glass, they were so taught to the touch, I could barely move my neck to the left or right. Everything felt so fragile, even resting my head against a pillow hurt. I was given painkillers but it did not touch the surface. It got to a point that all I could do was lie down on my side and just cry. I had been praying, asking, seeking, singing and seeking God for some relief but it felt like nothing was happening, nothing was budging in my sphere of influence.

It's late in the afternoon and I am crying laying on my bed, my mum brings her chair round to me so she can see me. Through the tears I asked her ‘Where has the goodness of God gone?’ , I couldn't help but think ‘did I miss something?’, ‘have I lost faith?’ Mum started to speak saying ‘He hasn’t gone anywhere...’ as she was speaking those words my surgeon walked by, stopped at my doorway alarmed to see me crying, crouched down on his knees to reach my eye level and exclaimed ‘what happened!?’

I cried more, as seeing the doctor was a sense of relief, only he could prescribe anything stronger and to do that could typically take hours to reach him and get it approved. But he was standing right there in my room. He came in with another doctor and right then and there arranged much stronger pain killers to cover the pain level. It was an answer to prayer. It may of seemed like a late answer of prayer to me but as soon as I asked God for a touch of healing, deliverance and peace, my answer started walking through the corridors on its way to me.

There are many times life feels like the answer has just gone, lost in the post, vanished or even forgotten. But when God enters my sphere of influence everything changes. He entered all of our lives when he died on the cross for our healing, deliverance, freedom, forgiveness and so much more. He lived among us as a human and can sympathise with our weaknesses.

Hebrews 4:15 ‘For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he did not sin.’

Later that evening I could feel the effect of the drugs wearing off. I felt like I was slowly turning into a statue. I watched the clock waiting for the next dose, only 10 minutes left but my body was slowly seizing up, my neck movement was starting to restrict, my breathing tightened. I called my older sister and amidst the anguish we just sang. We sang songs of praise, spoke healing over my body to relax and rest and thanked God for answering. Once the 10 minutes were up it only took about 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect. I know God heals, and He can use medicine to do it and I am thankful for the provision of it, it gave my body a chance to heal and recover from the previous days events and rest without tension and strain.

In all the terrible days I lived through, they all end with a great deliverance. God never ‘only just’ makes it on time, or just remembers, He always comes through. He has a plan and I need to daily trust him in that plan.

The next few days I was kept on the stronger medicine until everything healed in my head, neck and shoulders.