When Life Meets a Storm

'You have a brain tumour in your brain surrounded by swelling'

Those were the words that hit me hard when I got the call at work. I had a tumour removed 7 years ago. The first time round was like a wrecking ball, living through that experience shaped me into who I am today, forever changed the way I live and hope. It was filled with most awesome God-delivering stories, ‘against all odds’ moments and me holding onto God with what little I had left. A path however, I never thought I would walk again.

I was in shock and tears for a long time. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the news. After my last surgery the whole right side of my body was affected. I had to re-learn how to swallow, walk, build up my fine motor skills in my right hand, including facial paralysis on the right side of my face which resulted in eye surgery and 80% hearing loss. A lot happened and God carried me through every moment. (The full story I will share soon!)

I did not want to go through it again.

That night I turned on some loud worship songs and just cried and sang what I could. It was a sad moment. My life for the past 7 years was a journey of healing and discovery, I was just getting to a place where everything was balancing out. When a storm crashes into your life it feels as if everything clicks into slow motion, everything gets put on hold and every moment, every breath is felt with such a deep longing for the end.

I cried and cried, I didn't ask why but I asked God how? How will you deliver me this time?

I sat in silence and made the decision.

‘God, I’m going to do it, I’m going to trust you again’

In the days I was quiet and at night I just worshipped. It was the only way I could handle the emotions that come with such news. Back in August I did know that something in myself was off, I lacked motivation and kept getting fatigued, in addition to pain in the back of my head and neck almost every night, but I never thought it could have been another tumour causing the problems.

I found out on the 26th September and had the operation on the 23rd October. In those 4 weeks I had 3 encounters with God that prepared me for the coming weeks.

My first encounter was only three days after getting the news. An incoming Whatsapp call came at 9pm. My family and I were huddle around the phone listening to a pastor pray for us, he never met us or new any details but prayed an almighty prayer that settled issues of the heart, concerns about healing and called upon God as our creator to create us as he intended. The presence of God rested on the top of my head, it was a tangible weight that I could feel, I didn't want to move thinking it would leave but it moved with me as the days followed. Even now as I listen to the recording of the prayer you can still sense the presence of God.

My second encounter was on the 6th October at a Women on the Move meeting. A gathering of women to build, encourage and to go deeper in our faith with God. It was the first time I ever sat in a meeting and silently wept. The speaker was talking on Matthew 14:22-33 when Jesus walks on the water. What struck me the most was having fearless faith in trusting God, no matter what the circumstance may look like. At the end of the talk she invited people up for prayer, I bolted to the front in tears before she finished the invite and her sister grabbed me and I collapsed in her arms and cried. My dear superhero friend Z knew all that was going on and she stood by me and the 3 of us went off to the side. An almighty prayer was prayed, again the sister not knowing anything spoke into my heart and situation. As she started to pray she exclaimed, ‘The presence of God is so strong here I can’t get up and leave’ - I felt it and knew it too. By this point I was also on the floor and just wept and wept. I just cried my heart out and sobbed, I am not someone who cries very much so it was strange for me but I knew it was needed. It was as if a safe space for me was created to cry and be vulnerable before God and two precious sisters in Christ. The tears naturally stopped and she anointed my head with oil. As the oil dripped down my forehead I felt a rush go from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and it was prayed that a greater measure of faith would be released. As Abraham believed hope against hope she prayed an increase of faith like never before would be built in me. From the days that followed I daily read on the Heroes of the Faith in Hebrews.

My third encounter was only a few days later, the same lady who prayed for me on that Saturday came to a prayer time hosted at my house. She came early and I shared with her the massive impact that Saturday had on me and my situation. That night we went off in pairs to pray and again the presence of God rested on my head as it did on that Friday.

In those 4 weeks the presence of God was like a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, with me wherever I went. In his presence is fullness of joy, peace and above all love that casts out all fear. I wasn’t afraid. I was ready to face this head on and see my God deliver me (again :)).